


Because you like me

by bestaceinspace



Category: Almost Human
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-03-05
Packaged: 2018-01-09 21:23:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1150939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestaceinspace/pseuds/bestaceinspace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wishes he could see through human eyes because it would be so much easier to handle what he has just witnessed. It all happens too fast: in a moment John is beside him, while they talk to a suspect, and within seconds, John is pushing Dorian aside, yelling for him to get down and then, suddenly, he sees John on his knees, one hand on the floor and other holding his stomach.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He wishes he could see through human eyes because it would be so much easier to handle what he has just witnessed. It all happens too fast: in a moment John is beside him, while they talk to a suspect, and within seconds, John is pushing Dorian aside, yelling for him to get down as the suspect runs away, and, then, suddenly, he sees John on his knees, one hand on the floor and other holding his stomach, visibly arching in pain.

While he holds John with all the strength he’s got, data keeps coming at him like punches on his chest, shouting in his head all the possible scenarios that would probably result in John’s death, if help didn’t get to them fast enough. Dorian could carry John, of course, and he would, without hesitation, but what would he do afterwards? Where would he run to? He was trained to catch a bullet and survive, not to witness his partner taking the fall for him, or worst, to witness John die _for him_ , _because_ of him.

John is close to giving up to unconsciousness now, eyes almost closed, breathing fast while Dorian keeps pressure against the bleeding in his partner’s stomach, his hand covering John’s own. He feels something electric run through his body, adrenaline, fear, pain, even though it isn’t him bleeding, and he doesn’t feel pain like John is feeling now. Dorian squeezes John’s hand with his fingers and looks down at him, and what he sees is not enough to keep him grounded, all information he wishes he did not see still flying in his direction. John’s breathing is too slow, too much blood already lost, blood pressure too weak…

“John, come on, man”, Dorian speaks, squeezing his hand on John’s body so much he fears he is hurting him. “John”, he says again, and finally Kennex opens his eyes completely.

“Hey, man”, the detective says, a tiny smile dancing on his lips, quickly turning into a ghost until it fades away entirely.  “How is my situation?” He lets out with a groan, squeezing his eyes shut. “Not so good, I figure.”

“John”, Dorian calls again, fearing that this time John won’t open his eyes again, but he does. “John, don’t close your eyes”, he begs. “Stay with me, man, please.”

“Where is the cavalry?” He asks after a few seconds of just staring into the blue light that are Dorian’s eyes.

“They are coming”, Dorian says, as the side of his face shines. They are almost here, almost, he thinks to himself. Stay calm. It’s no time for his mood to go crazy again, and he almost wishes he didn’t have that human part inside him, because having a soul hurts, even if it’s a synthetic one. “I could carry you, but we really shouldn’t move—“

“I still have my pride”, John cuts him off. “You don’t need to carry me around, Dorian.”

“And you don’t need to catch a bullet for me!” Dorian almost yells, electricity shaking his body again, his hand gripping tightly against the hair on the back of John’s neck, his other hand still keeping pressure in the bullet wound.

“Here we go”, John says, almost amused by the look on Dorian’s face, but soon he is drifting off again, eyes closing as Dorian hears sirens in the distance, coming close every second.

He is the only one holding on now. It’s like John’s given up.

“John!” He tries yelling. “John!” He keeps saying to no response. He feels John’s strength vanish completely, and his pulse is almost too weak to be detected. The human hand against his own would fall if it wasn’t for his own tight grip. Dorian keeps holding John’s head up from the floor and his hand until John is removed and all Dorian can do is let go.

As he watches as John is removed, it’s like his own chest hurts.

.

It is when he is waiting at the hospital that he feels his emotional state unbalanced again, much worse than the last time when he punched Richard Paul. The detective did piss him off and drove him nuts with his snarky comments, just like he is doing right now, as he doesn’t shut up, causing detective Stahl to look at him a bit judgmental, if Dorian read it right.

“And why were you even there, then?” Paul asks Dorian, after Valerie explained to him exactly what happened.

“Paul”, she says, looking from him to Dorian, visibly concerned not only for them but also for John.

“What?” Dorian asks, shaking his head, trying to clear his mind from all the data that keeps telling him about John’s situation.

“Aren’t you supposed to be there for this?” Paul repeated, walking closer to him. “To catch a bullet, to avoid this kind of shit, isn’t for that you were designed for?”

Stahl walks towards them, standing between both men. Dorian feels his hand shaking as he stares into Paul’s face, rage consuming him.

“Since when do you even care about John?” Valerie asks.

“I care about our security in general”, Paul explains, turning briefly to look at her. “How can we even work knowing that our safety is compromised by defective machines like a DRN.”

“I think you should go”, Valerie suggests, crossing her arms in front of her body, “I’m sure Dorian did everything he could, this is not his fault.”

“I did, but he just—“, Dorian starts talking, but then his mind seems to turn blank, and his expression must show it as well, how realization strikes him.

“Dorian”, Stahl starts, but then Paul snaps, letting out an almost sarcastic laugh.

“You gotta be kidding me”, he says. “Kennex is crazier than we thought, that’s it. Why would he ever do that for a disposable like you?”

“Do you think this is helping? “, Stahl looks angry at Paul, as uncomfortable as Dorian with the situation. “Right now, really?" She shakes her head, and Paul seems to ignore her because he keeps looking at Dorian.

“Well, but I guess that with a damaged leg and now this, he will probably be as disposable as you very soon”, he groans, and it is the last straw for Dorian to hold him by his clothes and practically smash him against the closest wall he could find.

“Shut up”, Dorian yells close to the detective’s face, his hands in tight fists. “Why are _you_ even here?”

He keeps holding onto Paul’s clothes, blue eyes bright with rage on the other man’s face, hands shaking. He notices his charge is low, too low, but decides to ignore it. He knows already his mood is swinging again, he doesn’t need the information. Soon some doctors approach the two of them and talk to Valerie about the situation, and Dorian finally decides to let go to avoid any problems. Paul walks to Valerie and their MXs. She looks at him one last time before leaving as well. After he nods, she understands that he needs to stay, and so he does, not moving for hours, until someone to tell him John will be okay. He will survive, and Dorian finally moves, as if woken up and rescued from a frozen state.

.

He sees John the next day. He has his eyes closed when Dorian enters the room, and somehow, not seeing John fully awake makes him panic. He has woken up for a bit, the doctor tells him, and that he just needs to rest. Surgery was a success, and they are very optimistic about John’s state, the man adds. Still it isn’t enough for Dorian to calm down. He sits uncomfortably by his partners’ bedside and waits. Soon John moves, noticing another presence in the room and his eyes stop on Dorian, a light smile on his dry lips.

“Hey, man”, he says, voice low. It takes Dorian a few moments to process the words, as his “disco face” distracts him.

“You are reading me”, John states, snapping Dorian out of his head.

“I’m sorry”, Dorian’s eyes turn to him again, worried.

“Is my situation good?” John asks him.

“At this exact moment, yes”, Dorian announces, still worried, though, his expression already known by John. “What were you thinking back then?”

“Please, Dorian”, John whines, rolling his eyes. “Don’t get all emotional over me right now.”

“Are you really going to avoid this?” Dorian strikes back.

“I’m not doing anything”, John defends himself. “You are the one over analyzing the situation.”

“Detective Paul said something, and I think he is right.”

“That’s not possible”, John lets out with a laugh.

“John, I’m serious”, Dorian tries again, and this time John stops and looks at him, and he is sure the detective is capable of seeing on his face all the things he is thinking about, all emotions mixed, his eyes sparking.

“What did he say?” John asks, finally.

“He said you were crazy to risk your life for a disposable like me”, Dorian announces. John closes his eyes and tries to sit up, leaning on his hands, but he fails and lies down again, not sure of what to say.

“John”, Dorian says, seeing that the other wouldn’t say anything.

“Do you agree with him?” John asks, eventually.

“I’m sorry?”

John moves on the bed again, trying to get comfortable so he can look at Dorian in an eye level. He finally sits down, breathing with certain difficulty.

“Do you agree with him?” He makes the question one more time. “Do you think you are just some disposable machine?”

“No, but, I have to agree that that was crazy, John”, Dorian looks back at him, his blue eyes showing how worried he is.

“I was designed to be a cop”, Dorian keeps talking. “And to stop cops like you from getting hurt.”

“And I was not “designed” to give up on a partner”, John explains, “I don’t know what else you want me to say, man.”

“It was reckless”, Dorian disagrees. “You need to promise me you won’t do that again.”

“Dorian, look—“, John tries to speak, but Dorian’s eyes stare at him dangerously, and his hands shake on his lap. His emotional state unbalanced again, and John knew exactly why.

“You won’t do it again”, Dorian groans.

“Alright”, John agrees. “I won’t. Shit, you are moody. Didn’t you go change your batteries?”

Dorian just shakes his head and looks down at his hands.

“I couldn’t move”, he says, which also means _I didn’t want to._ He couldn’t just leave.

John gets a little closer to Dorian, reaching out with his hand to rest it on his DRN’s arm.

“It’s okay”, John says. Dorian stares at the hand on his arm for a while until he clings at John, his arms holding the other man tightly but not too much. Still, it’s finally enough to ground him. John is fine. He is alive.

“Oh, okay”, John says, startled. “Hugging moment”, he tries to sound annoyed, but quickly lets his own arms fold around Dorian, hands lightly tapping at his back. “It’s okay”, he says again, more to himself than to Dorian this time. He needs it too, the hug, he had to admit.

They stay like this for a long time, holding each other as minutes pass, until John slowly falls asleep again, and Dorian’s eyes turn black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian can’t say he didn’t expect it, because, well, of course John would be in an even worse mood while in recovery than he was naturally. Thing is, the DRN should have also predicted that John would do this: spend half of the ride home telling him how they should have gone back to the precinct, that he is recovered already to get back to work. What Dorian knows not to be true, and he isn’t just going to give the detective a chance to do another stupidity like, for example, jumping in front of a bullet for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys wanted more, so here I am! Thank you all so much for your lovely comments, they really helped me to keep writing! Hopefully this will not be the last part of this fic, because I plan on writing more to it! :)

Dorian can’t say he didn’t expect it, because, well, of course John would be in an even worse mood while in recovery than he was naturally. Thing is, the DRN should have also predicted that John would do this: spend half of the ride home telling him how they should have gone back to the precinct, that he is recovered already to get back to work. What Dorian knows not to be true, and he isn’t just going to give the detective a chance to do another stupidity like, for example, jumping in front of a bullet for him.

John soon falls asleep, though, and Dorian is glad that he gets to rest for the last minutes they take to get to John’s place. Dorian is thrilled that he can enjoy these last minutes just driving, eventually looking over at his partner to check him out; still feeling a little bit worried about his physical and emotional state.

Eventually, the ride is over, and Dorian is opening the passenger’s door for John to get out.

“Oh, great, you are still here”, John says, startled, yawing for a moment. Dorian just smiles at him, knowing that he doesn’t mean to harm by saying these words, because, really, John just kept getting more and more obvious with each passing day.

He stares at Dorian for a minute, looking at the hand the DRN is offering him to take.

“Seriously”, John growls, impatiently. “If you think you will carry me bridal style into my own place, just forget it.”

“Well, I’m not going to just let you walk”, Dorian disagrees.

“I can move my legs. Both my leg and my synthetic leg, thank you very much”, John explains, slipping out of the car, but as he does so, his synthetic leg starts to beep, and his stomach aches. Dorian obviously notices it and quickly passes his right arm around John’s waist.

“At least let me help you”, Dorian offers, and after resisting, John finally lets his own arm around the android’s shoulder, holding tight for balance.

“You need to rest”, Dorian says again for the third time in less than third minutes. John simply rolls his eyes in response. “And being so stubborn won’t help you.”

“What are you, my nurse?” John snaps, impatient with his slow rhythm as they walk together.

“It’s not what Captain Maldonado said”, Dorian explains, slightly confused, “but she did ask me to look after you.”

“Great, a conspiracy”, John says, and after sometime they finally step into his house, quicker than he thought they would, it’s true, mostly because Dorian ended up lifting him up from the floor with just one arm and practically carrying him.

“What did I tell you?” John tries to sound annoyed, but he smiles anyway, happy to finally leave the hospital for good.

“It’s the least I can do considering everything”, Dorian says, and if John hears him well, he notices a bit of guilty in Dorian’s voice. He still has his arm around John’s waist, almost protectively, and John doesn’t know any more if he is the one holding on or if it is Dorian.

“No problem, man”, John assures him. “Thanks”, he says, and suddenly both Dorian’s arms are around him, holding their bodies closer. Dorian almost lifts him up from the floor again, not really controlling his strength.

“John”, Dorian says against his neck, his breath too warm for an android. “I’m really sorry”, he confesses, and John can’t do anything else other than hug him back. It feels good not being alone, in the end. It’s comforting.

“Shut up”, it’s all John manages to say.

.

The next day, John wakes up with a start, sweat running through his face. He sits down quickly. He looks around and notices that he is in bed (which is weird since he clearly remembers falling asleep on the couch), and Dorian is nowhere to be seen. The fact makes him feel more anxious, still a bit nervous because of his nightmares. It’s odd, to say the least, since it is not like John isn’t used to waking alone and just moving on from a bad night of sleep.

After a while he decides to stand up and get out of bed, taking his time to get back to breathing regularly and calming down. John gets to the kitchen just in time to see Dorian walk into his door. The DRN notices him immediately, and the look of concern in his face disappears, his eyes shining.

“Oh, that’s good”, Dorian says, closing the door behind him. “You are still here, John.”

“Where would I be?” John asks, pulling a chair and carefully siting down. “Did you think I’d run away or something while having a whole in my stomach and, uh, you know?” He adds, pointing at his synthetic leg.

“Man, aren’t you a joy in the morning”, Dorian says with a laugh, “not much different from your usual self, anyway.”

“Ha-ha”, John sarcastically laughs, “very funny.”

“Breakfast?” Dorian offers John a bag which contains donuts and coffee, the detective notices while opening it up. He doesn’t say anything and simply takes a bite of a donut and a sip of his coffee. He is still a bit off; he has to admit, like he usually is in the morning if he doesn’t have his coffee, and the nightmares are still too vivid inside his mind.

“You are welcome”, Dorian says, annoyed, but he sits down next to John. “How did you sleep? Are you feeling alright?”

“Whoa, man, when did I marry you?” John wonders, rolling his eyes, biting at his donut once more. Dude, he is hungry. Hospital food sucks. It’s 2048 and hospital food still sucks.

“I was monitoring you all night and—“, Dorian starts to explain, apparently ignoring what John said about marriage.

“Wait”, John cuts him. “Did you spend all night just staring at me? That’s creepy.”

“I don’t need to stare for that, John, and besides I was just following orders”, Dorian explains, and John gets back to drinking his coffee. Of course it was just the orders, John pounders; Dorian is just doing all this for Captain Maldonado, because otherwise John would be out there being a reckless asshole. He can’t deny that.

“Right”, John agrees after a while. “I’m fine”, he tells Dorian or, better yet, lies to him. He is not really okay, and that’s the true. It’s not something Dorian can scan and figure it out, fortunately, so it’s easier to hide.

“You didn’t use all your juice, right?” He asks the DRN. Dorian looks a little confused at first, so John adds “how is your charge?”

“I’m good”, Dorian tells. “Already took care of it this morning while you were sleeping”, John simply nods at him and after a moment of consideration he stares at Dorian, eyes open wide.

“Did you steal my car?” John asks him with a terrified look.

“I burrowed it”, Dorian disagrees to what John simply laughs, somehow feeling better after seeing Dorian smile at him, the dark mood from his nightmares somehow softening and starting to fade away.

.

Later on the same day, when John has yet more nightmares to add to his endless list, Dorian is there by his side in a minute, appearing from God knows where and standing at the edge of his bed. He looks at John meticulously; the side of his head lighting up.

“John?” He calls the detective who is still asleep. “I noticed your pulse was—“

But then Dorian has to stop midsentence, because John isn’t actually listening to anything. Instead he keeps breathing too fast like someone is suffocating him, his eyes now opened and focused on the ceiling above him.

“John?” Dorian calls again to no response, and it feels just like when John got shot all over again. The knowledge that John is not alright, the fact that he isn’t answering to Dorian, the hopeless feeling it gives the DRN that he is being useless again.

“John?” Dorian tries once more, “John”, he keeps saying until John’s eyes are finally on him, a look of absolute panic and loss. He keeps staring until he is tired, and Dorian can almost see what looks like tears forming in John’s eyes. It’s like his partner is there but isn’t at the same time, and it is incredibly terrifying.

Dorian gets closer, carefully not to startle the other man and cause him more panic. He walks slowly until he is beside John, only a few inches apart. John lets his head fall to one side as he stares at Dorian, a lost look in his eyes. He reaches out then, all of a sudden, hand holding tight around Dorian’s arm.

“Hey, man”, Dorian tells him. “I’m here.”

It takes John awhile to finally process the words, the grip in Dorian’s arm softening little by little, but he is still touching the DRN, anyway, scared that if he doesn’t, it will somehow mean that what he is seeing isn’t reality.

“You were dead”, John says in a whisper, barely audible. “They all were: Valerie, Maldonado…”

“John”, Dorian speaks calmly, interrupting. “It was just a dream. You are alright. Everyone is fine, I’m sure of it.”

“You were dead”, John keeps saying as if he didn’t hear Dorian, panic in his voice. “I saw you blow up. You died, Dorian, for good.”

Dorian keeps calm despite it all. He rests his own hand on top of John’s still holding his arm; he then sits on the bed in the space that is left in the bed, by John’s side.

“John, I can’t really die, you know—“. Dorian beings to explain, but the grip on his arm is strong again, so he stops and looks at John’s face. He seems really angry, so Dorian stops speaking immediately.

“I don’t care”, John groans. He opens his mouth again as to say something else too but gives up.

 _“Death is death”_ , Dorian still remembers well the conversation they once had. He just didn’t know that what they said meant so much to John. He didn’t expect his life to be this valuable to someone.

“Okay”, Dorian says, still surprised. John has never been a predictable person, anyway, and Dorian kind of liked it. He likes the idea of John carrying about him. He likes… _He likes John._ He had said it himself, after all, and he meant it. John didn’t say it back, but somehow, now, feeling John’s grip on his arm, he knows. He thinks he knows, at least, and that’s something already.

“I’m okay, man”, Dorian assures John. “Don’t need to worry. I’m not dead. I’m right here with you.”

 _I’m here with you. I’m here. I’m with you._ John keeps hearing it again and again inside his head like a bell, it keeps him safe, and it brings him home. He is back, with Dorian, he is in his room, no one is dying, and everything is okay. Dorian is here, sitting next to him, his hand in his, holding on. John’s eyes look down at it, their hands together, and then up at Dorian’s eyes and they are so blue, and… And the way Dorian looks at him is just so caring he doesn’t know what to do sometimes. He doesn’t deserve to be looked at like this, he thinks.

“Dorian”, John begins to speak. He lets go of Dorian’s touch, their hands falling apart from each other. Dorian looks away for a moment and then back at John, understanding. He knows it isn’t easy for John.

“Thanks”, John adds, and Dorian doesn’t know what it is that he hears in his partner’s voice that makes something inside of him crack. He smiles, either way, not really knowing what to do. John is not supposed to be the one thanking him. Dorian should be saying it. He just feels so useless sometimes, and maybe John doesn’t even imagine that.

“Do you want me to stay?” He asks, instead, but John is slowly falling asleep again, his eyes closing. Dorian can swear he sees John nodding weakly so he decides to stay. He would have stayed, anyway, even if John never asked. He will, no matter what, always, as long as he can. He stands up from the bed in the end and sits on the floor instead, resting his back against the wall, vigilant eyes, watching John’s every move.

.

The next night, when Dorian carries John to his bed (because he unexplainably keeps insisting on falling asleep on the couch), Dorian lies down with him. It is not like John asked him to or anything, it is just that the way John’s face fits against Dorian’s neck is impossible to ignore. How he clings to Dorian’s body like it’s a shore, what can keep him safe even when he isn’t fully conscious. It’s just too much, and when Dorian lets John lie down on the mattress, something in him keeps pulling Dorian closer, like two poles apart trying to erase the distance that separates them. John’s face is pressed against the pillow now, but he keeps impatiently murmuring things, and it’s when Dorian notices John is still holding onto his arm, and Dorian, consequently, is holding on, too.

He finally decides to stay, letting his own body rest beside John’s on the bed, but still keeping a distance. John slowly lets go of his arm, and Dorian does the same. He stares at the ceiling, something making him want to look away, while John slides to his side, sleeping quietly.

.

During the night, though, when Dorian has his eyes closed for a moment, he feels one arm being thrown around his body and someone snuggle closer to his chest. When he opens his eyes, surprised, he sees John half asleep, breath hot against his neck.

“Dorian, I—“, John mumbles, and Dorian can swear he feels shivers run through his body.

“You don’t have to say anything”, Dorian explains, quickly, letting his own arm fall around John’s shoulder. After a few seconds, John is falling asleep again, still pressing their bodies close.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are some things that you don’t need a super evolved robotic mind to notice, so it obviously doesn’t take long for Dorian to realize it will not be easy to help John with anything if they keep going like this. John doesn’t talk about his nightmares and avoids any conversation if the topic is his PTSD. Dorian knows it got bad again, but John denies it. He also never mentions what happened between them nights before, probably not wanting to admit he needs someone like he needed Dorian back then. It probably terrifies him when people can see through his cracked shell, and the fact that this person now is his own partner makes everything even harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry this took me so long. I was going trough a terrible writer's block but I'm finally back. I really hope you guys enjoy this third (and possibly the last) part of the fic. I'm not sure I will write more to this story, but if something does come up, I'll do my best. Thank you for the support, this fandom is amazing and you guys rock! :)

There are some things that you don’t need a super evolved robotic mind to notice, so it obviously doesn’t take long for Dorian to realize it will not be easy to help John with anything if they keep going like this. John doesn’t talk about his nightmares and avoids any conversation if the topic is his PTSD. Dorian knows it got bad again, but John denies it. He also never mentions what happened between them nights before, probably not wanting to admit he needs someone like he needed Dorian back then. It probably terrifies him when people can see through his cracked shell, and the fact that this person now is his own partner makes everything even harder.

Dorian knows that soon things will get out of hand. John has been sleeping well (sort of) with him around, and it isn’t even always necessary for the DRN to stay close all the time or even in John’s bedroom, because just the fact that someone else is there with him, in his apartment, is already comforting. John doesn’t have nightmares so often anymore, but in the nights he does, it still feels like hell. Dorian feels hopeless. He knows how much John’s last injury trigged memories from the past that John still struggles to live with. He keeps saying it is nothing, though, when Dorian knows it isn’t true, and the lies just make it even harder for the android to forgive himself for letting something like this happen to his partner. Eventually he decides to intervene. He is here to help, after all, even if he feels he hasn’t been doing such a great job, what is partially John’s fault since he doesn’t admit he needs help.

“John, we need to talk”, Dorian lets out, and John stares up at him, black circles starting to form around his eyes.

“About what?” John asks, distracted, like he doesn’t know. He is sitting on the couch, resting his synthetic leg on the coffee table, watching some movie on the TV.

“You need to talk about it to someone”, Dorian explains, sitting down next to his partner. He has just come back from Rudy’s, and the conversation he had with the technician encouraged him to talk to John. Plus Captain Maldonado was worried but said it was probable that John could be back for duty really soon if he was totally recovered. Dorian also ended up speaking to Valerie who kept asking about John, visibly worried, but also positive about her colleague’s recovery. Dorian smiled at her when she rested a hand on his shoulder and said “take care”, and it was like she knew something he didn’t.

“If I knew what you are talking”, John says, sarcastically, “then I’d gladly discuss about it.”

“Captain Maldonado said you will be able to get back to the precinct soon”, Dorian tells him. 

“That’s great”, John says, not containing his smile. He doesn’t pay attention to the TV anymore. Instead, he sits more comfortably on the couch, carefully moving his synthetic leg.

“But I’m just not sure if you should”, Dorian adds, and John stops smiling almost instantly.

“What?”

“I don’t think that you are ready, John”, Dorian explains, but the look on John’s face is still of confusion. “Not yet.”

“I can’t stay any more time stuck here, man”, John whines. “I’m fully recovered; you can scan me or whatever. You’ll see that I am fine.”

“I know that your body injuries are healed”, Dorian agrees, “but I’m not certain that you are completely fine.”

“What?” John asks, clearly annoyed. “Are you my shrink now?”

“No”, Dorian says, “but I’m your partner, and it’s my job to notice things.”

As Dorian speaks, John stands up and walks away, he can still hear Dorian, though, but they are not facing each other anymore, which is already a good thing in John’s book. He is not good with stuff like this, talking about feelings and all that crap.

“If you have such great observation”, John speaks again after a few minutes of complete silence, “then you’d know that there are things you don’t need to talk about, especially to me.”

“I think that’s exactly the problem, John”, Dorian says, walking towards John. He is standing with his back to Dorian, staring at the table where he usually keeps his synthetic leg while it is charging. The device had started beeping a few minutes ago, but since Dorian just got here, John doesn’t want to have to remove it in front of the DRN. He doesn’t know exactly why, he just doesn’t feel like it, that’s all. The beeping makes his head hurt, though, as is this whole conversation with Dorian.

“Great”, John murmurs. He rests his hands on the table, visibly tired, his muscles aching. “You should stop reading too much into things, you know.”

“Like when you basically risked getting killed to save me?” Dorian asks, his voice getting closer. John just keeps staring at the floor, hearing the sound of beeping between the moments of silence in their conversation.

“I did it because it was the right thing”, John says, trying to avoid adding more to it.

“The right thing would have been me taking the fall”, Dorian groans, starting to feel angry. It will be impossible for things to work out if John keeps acting like a stubborn asshole, making Dorian feel even more frustrated.

“Why?” John says, turning around to face Dorian. “Because you are you?” He asks, not wanting to say the word “synthetic” even though it does come to his mind. The thing is it isn’t the way John would describe the DRN anymore, not when he got so used to call him _Dorian_ and _his partner_. That’s what feels right, and it doesn’t matter anymore if Dorian is less of a human than him.

“I’m the one who is supposed to catch the bullets, John”, Dorian lets out without hesitation. John simply stares at him for a while, not feeling comfortable with what he just heard, even though he did use that exact same phrase not so long ago to describe what he thought about the MXs.

“I thought you said you were not like them”, John eventually says.

“It doesn’t mean we weren’t built for the same thing”, is the quick response Dorian gives him. It has become so easy for John to sometimes forget that Dorian isn’t actually a real person, a human, so it takes him a while to think through it, but his conclusion remains the same.

“No one who is my partner is supposed to die for me”, John explains, “and that includes you.”

And that is something that does catch Dorian by surprise. How easy it is for John to say something like this, to care, to change, even him being the man who once called Dorian a synthetic, who refused to accept to work with an MX and then a DRN, but maybe, just maybe, John sees something else in him, something that Dorian himself tried so much to see. He does have a soul and he does feel, and maybe John recognizes it, in the end. It doesn’t mean Dorian is used to being treated like this, with such care and consideration.

“Dorian”, John snaps him out of his thoughts. He takes a deep breath, as if the words tire him. “I can’t let anyone else die on my watch.”

As he says the words, John stares at the floor, guilt in his eyes, and it feels as if the weight of the world rests on his shoulders. He can’t simply pretend that what he just said doesn’t affect him because it does. He can’t look at Dorian in the eyes and see that care still unshaken shinning in his bright blue eyes. John doesn’t think he deserves to be protected, in the end, for he didn’t do it himself, he didn’t protect the ones he was supposed to, in the past.

“John”, he listens to Dorian’s voice, but it is somehow far away, and John just wants everything to be over, he doesn’t want to talk anymore, and his leg hurts, like it is still there, pain pulsing through his veins, the feeling of fire burning and the sound of explosions echoing inside his head.

“John”, Dorian tries again, getting closer. He rests his hand on John’s shoulder but it isn’t enough to make him look up. “What happened was not your fault, you couldn’t have done anything to—“

“Stop”, John interrupts, almost threatening. He keeps looking down and notices how his hands start to shake nervously while he speaks. He can’t find any strength to face Dorian at this point and what he is feeling so he just hides it all behind a mask. He pretends his breath isn’t thick, like something is suffocating him; he hides the fact that all the air is being sucked out of his lungs, and his chest hurts with the heaviness of it all. The feelings he can’t stop from coming and crushing him from the inside out.

The detective feels Dorian letting go of his shoulder after a minute and it seems like he will fall forward without that support holding him in place. John closes his hands into fists, frustrated that he can’t fight the spasms. He should take his meds, of course, if only he could move, but before he can anything, he feels Dorian’s hands close around his own, holding tight, while the android’s skin lights up in blue. John stares at their hands together, letting his body shake against Dorian’s touch. He doesn’t look up not even once and he feels his body weight become too much for him to keep steady, he feels dizzy, what causes him to lose balance for a few seconds, and he moves forward. He doesn’t go far anyway for Dorian is there in front of him to easy the weight. The DRN presses their foreheads together and they stay like this, like nothing is happening and everything would be silent if not for John’s heavy breathing.

“Dorian?” John finally asks, voice almost just a whisper. “What are you doing?”

John dares look up for a second, backing off, not feeling so dizzy anymore. The look on Dorian’s face is so serious, one that John has never seen before. “I’m trying to help”, Dorian explains. “You are breathing too fast”, he observes.

“I can’t really control it”, John says, defensive.

“Yes, you can”, Dorian disagrees, trying to encourage John. “You can do it, man.”

“It’s easier said than done.”

“Just relax”, Dorian explains, holding their hands together more firmly. John eventually stars to feel the weight get smaller and smaller as he lets go of his hands until they are not closed into fists anymore. It feels better this way, John thinks, and the shaking starts to cease until they are barely noticeable.

“Thanks”, John lets out, being able to control his breathing more easily now.

“Your hands are too cold for a human”, Dorian notices. John for some reason keeps looking down, a laugh escaping his lips. He sounds tired, though, probably for the constant lack of sleep in the last few days.

“You are the one who is too damn warm”, John says. _And perfect_ and it’s not the first time he thinks it, but he says nothing. Ever. Dorian is just too good to be real. They keep holding hands like two teenagers, too shy to look up at each other.

“I treated you badly”, John manages to express at least part of what he is feeling, “but in the end.... you are much better… better than me.”

“Do you call jumping in front of a bullet “threat badly”?” Dorian can’t help but laugh even though John’s words seem to warm him up even more. John looks up at him, frowning like he always does.

“You know what I mean”, John tells him. “Shut up.”

 _You like me_ , Dorian thinks. Yeah, he already knew that. John simply rolls his eyes at Dorian’s obvious realization face, but neither of them says anything.

“Are you okay?” Dorian asks, letting go. Their hands fall apart, and John doesn’t really know how to feel about it.

“Yeah”, he says, distracted for a moment. “Thanks.”

“What’s wrong?” Dorian asks, after a few seconds of silence, noticing John is thinking about something important.

“I think you could”, John tries saying but he starts to stumble in his own words. “I think you could stick around for a while. I mean, you can stay, for good”, he looks away, hand at the back of his neck, “or whatever that means. That’s if… If you want to.”

“John”, Dorian says, and John looks back at him, a bit concerned about what he might hear next. “I’m only in the force… I’m only here because of you.”

He sees that John is about to say something, but he doesn’t let him.

“So there really isn’t anywhere else I would want to be”, he adds.

John simply stares at him, smiling back and processing the words. The knot in his throat is ceasing, but his breathing is uneven again, and he knows exactly why.

“Okay”, John manages to say, and Dorian smiles wide at him.

“Well, I’m hungry”, John states after a while, resting a hand on Dorian’s shoulder and then letting go before he starts walking away. “I need to get some noodles.”

Dorian turns back to follow John with his eyes, freezing in place afterwards. It doesn’t take long for John to stop, though, and he walks back at Dorian like he forgot something. Dorian doesn’t move an inch when John gets closer to him, really close. He rests a hand on Dorian’s shoulder to keep him in place as he presses his lips against Dorian’s half opened mouth. The DRN can almost feel his mind go blank and his face light up like crazy at the unexpected touch. When John backs off, he looks at him in the eyes, smiling at his disco face. John seems very pleased, Dorian notices, and before he can ask anything, John explains it.

“Just in case you were still wondering.”


End file.
